First, a clarification: It appears that I misread the prompt list and mixed up Day 15 and Day 16. So, what follows is the post for what should have been my pick yesterday. And you can see yesterday‘s post for what should have been my pick for today.
Second, a caveat: I’ve written a lot on this blog about my opposition to state-sanctioned marriage, an institution which has historically been about manufacturing and maintaining economic inequality, despite whatever other (also suspect) religious or cultural significance it holds. I do not plan to ever get “legally” married for the reasons I’ve spelled out before. However, for the purposes of today’s post, I want to make a distinction between a “marriage” and a “wedding.” You can have the latter without the former. In fact, you can have both without also accepting the swag bag of unearned rights and benefits from the state.
[Climbing down from soapbox]
My first choice for “a song I want played at my wedding” was actually Chris Stapleton’s “Tennessee Whiskey,” but I already picked that one for Day 9 and I always try to avoid repeating songs during the #30DaySongChallenge. So, here’s my pick for today, Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell’s amazing 1967 Motown duet, “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”:
This may seem like a strange song to play at a wedding because it assumes some distance between the couple. Not just just distance, but mountains (high!), valleys (deep!), and rivers (wide!). That is actually what I love about the song.
I think a lot of people think of weddings as a joining-together in the sense of eliminating of the real or figurative distance that separates one person from another, but that has always struck me as a really unhealthy way to think about relationships. I want whomever I am with to remain his or her own person. And so, if I’m going to stand up and make promises to someone I love, and if a bunch of people who we love and who love us are going bear witness to those promises– which is about the long and short of what I think a wedding should be– then I want that person to know I’m not about to just melt into them, kick back in the La-Z-Boy, and coast.
Gaye and Terrell aren’t coasting. They’re ready to climb, to hike, to swim, to weather the wind and rain, all in order to get there on the double. That’s the content of their promise to one another, and this song is their way of saying that you can take those promises to the bank.
That’s love.
Runners-up for #30DaySongChallenge, Day 16:
- The Dixie Chicks’ “I’ll Take Care of You”
- Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud”
- Bill Withers’ “Just The Two Of Us”
- Bill Withers’ “Lean On Me”